Hello and welcome to this second installment of All Muggled Up!
Today I have a toastally great new muggle invention to discover, so continue reading because the best is yet to crumb. We will of course be talking about the amazing bread frying anti-theft protector, Toaster! It is one of my favorite muggle objects and mine has been my loyal protector for the last 30 years.
*Warning the following story includes a shockingly innocent and a brutally harmless attack . Proceed with caution*
My first run in with this marvelous and dangerous machine was at the house of a random muggle that I had “rented”, or rather semi-illlegally requisitioned , for a summer in my youth. Curious as I was, I went through all her cupboards and perceived this shiny object. It was a contraption unlike any I had encountered before, a sleek, metallic box with slots at the top and curious buttons adorning its side. Placing it on the kitchen counter, I spent an hour staring at it from every angle, like a puzzle waiting to be solved. What could it be and what could the slots be used for?
Being a rather foolish girl and with far less patience that I have today, it was not long before my frustration got the better of me and I pulled out my wand. First I prodded the buttons tentatively and threw every spell in the book at it, in the hope that my enchantments should help to decipher what lay within its metallic shell. Alas, the contraption seemed impervious to all my spells and tricks, which I took as a personal affront and I became even more stubborn in finding out what it did.
I am not proud of what I did next, but it must be told in the hope that my mistakes will educate the younger wizard and witch community reading this blog. For an entire week I carried the rectangular slot machine around under my arm and I visited several villages close by, expecting that following around muggles all day would allow me an insight into what it might be used for. All I gained from this experience however was a lot of stares, mocking laughter from several kids, and a compliment from an old lady who wanted to know where I had bought the docile silver haired dog I was carrying.
It was not until after exhaustion made me sit down at a cafe that I finally became enlightened. My eyes caught the glimmer of silver as reflected upon its surface and there behind the counter stood the twin of my shiny machine. Imagine my surprise as I saw a waitress take two slices of bread and jam them inside the slots at the top! Without thinking, I got to my feet and ran over to inspect, placing my head right above it. I heard a soft hum within its depths as inside a soft glow and heat was omitted. A button on the side seemed to move slowly all on its own and the next moment I was suddenly assaulted! Hot bread flew into my eyes and I fell back, knocking down a full teapot and saucers as I fell. Had I just discovered a strange anti-burglar gadget or perhaps something more sinister?, I remember thinking before the waitress started hitting me with a broom and berated me for the mess I had caused. In my hazed attempt at getting up, I must have grabbed onto the cord tail attached to the silver object, which immediately caused sparks to fly and it also fell atop me. The protection program must have been activated as it dropped because it was burning hot and I still have a scar on my hand from where it landed.
Now reader, do not find me completely clueless, as I did later learn about the muggle electricity that powers many of their thingymabobs, but in my youth I had been quite sheltered so this was my first real experience with such things. What occurred next would never have happened if I knew what I do today. Broom still swinging her broom and with screams like a banshee, the waitress continued to usher me away and I saw no other choice than to grab the closest thing to me in order to protect myself. With a spoon as my weapon, I raised it above me in challenge and would you not believe, there was true fear in the women’s eyes and she stepped back. A spoon, a simple spoon and the muggle was afraid, such strange people these muggles.
Still clinging to the artifact, I used this moment to my feet and as I did, it pinged! I braced myself for its next bread attack, but none came. Very curious I thought, as I turned it over and pushed the spoon inside to see if any was stuck in the slots. Lucky for me (as I am sure you will agree), the cord chose that moment to snap and it came free of the wall it was previously attached to. The wide eyed muggle continued to stare at me in both fear and confusion. Realizing that this was my opportunity to escape with my spoils, I placed one toaster under each arm and ran out the door and all the way home. Honestly, I thought I was toast!
There are still stories in the muggle village about a crazy woman in green with two toasters for hands who roams the streets at night. Despite my actions and theft, I have to say I do find it quite amusing to be the focus of scary stories for children. But beyond that, I am thrilled to say that the toaster I snatched continues to be a prized possession of mine. Like it must have protected and worked for years in the cafe to prevent robberies before I came alone, I have placed it by the door to keep out any intruders. I also keep a stack of bread beside it, so it can be armed at a moment’s notice. I might have tampered with it a tiny bit (please do not tell the misuse of muggle artifacts office), with a tiny enchantment to make it work without power and that is surely not a crime, right? Besides, who wouldn’t want both toasted bread and an anti-intruder alarm and bread flinging weapon all rolled into one!
So my advice to you all is this: Get yourself your own toaster today, you can crust me on that and I promise you will loaf it!
Stay tuned for next time where we will discover more Muggle things and get Muggled Up in more magical mischief!
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