How to conquer a hag’s heart.
It can happen to everyone. One day you walk in the Leaky Cauldron, order your usual meal. You sit alone in the dark, thinking about your life. You know that something is missing. You want your life to be more adventurous. Maybe you want to add some spice to your meal. And then you notice her in the opposite corner. She’s all alone, eating raw liver. You notice her perfect face and two beautiful warts on her chin. You can feel it. It is love at first sight. You’ve already planned your wedding and named your children. But first you will have to find your path to that lady’s heart.
1. Prepare! It will be easier if you have children. Hags love children. The smaller the better. You can borrow one from your neighbours. But think about frequent moving, cause some people will find the missing kids situation unacceptable.
2. Cuisine. Have you heard about rawism? Some people say it's a healthy way of living. Hags love raw food. Hearts, liver, just regular meat have to fill your fridge. The shortest way to hag’s heart is through her stomach.
3. Flower choices. Use any flowers, but don’t forget about the flower language. Decorate your bouquets with mushrooms and poisonous berries. 4. Don’t forget about compliments. Her warts ARE beautiful. And her haircut. And eyes.
5. Foot massage. Don’t be scared of her toes.
Follow those small pieces of advice and don’t forget to send us an invitation to your wedding!
From this point on, we are not responsible for your safety.
